IMG_4178

Each Loss,

Each colleague, each relative, each acquaintance,

My grandmothers and grandfathers, my parents

My loves, my partners, my friends,

Like mile markers along the highway of my life.

It seemed as if they kept in time

With the speed of days.

In my youth, the days were long,

A Friday afternoon could take an eternity.

Yet with my laugh lines and wrinkles,

Came the passing of another year in the blink of any eye;

An eye that could no longer see as it did in youth.

Those markers along the highway,

Once rare and true and devastating and long between,

Began to blur together in a fuzzy emotional haze.

Moments of reverence coming all to frequently.

Reminders of the love that built this road,

And those who walked it before me.

As I accelerated past, even as the rest of me began to slow.

I learned to cry less and appreciate more,

I began to mourn with less heart breaking and celebrate with greater vigor.

I, once the Hare and time the Tortoise,

Had traded places somewhere along that way,

Or, as a teacup in the MadHatter’s Ride

I spin slowly in one direction now,

And time whirls faster and faster in another.

All I’ve known and loved has gotten off;

I spin slower and slower to the inevitable conclusion

Of insanity,

Or the end of the ride.

I hope with a soft and gentle acceptance now,

For that latter conclusion, for my death.

I do not mourn what has come to be, what I have come to be,

For this is part of life, experience, growth and journey.

This is not the loss of life, this is the final reward,

Rest at the end of a long, glorious and challenging road.

Death is not my adversary or foe.

I trust myself now to the great unknown,

I trust the way of those before me,

Each loss,

Each colleague, each relative, each acquaintance,

My grandmothers and grandfathers, my parents

My loves, my partners, my friends,

Not one of them became immortal to avoid this final chapter.

Nor shall I, I am coming home.

Original Writing and Photography by Amanda L. Carr